Introduction

· 3 ·

   You are not alone. I want you to know that. While you read this book I want you to feel welcome to walk through the door as I invite you into my life, and I willingly lay all the pain, abuse, battles, defeats, and victories onto this paper you hold in your hands. My desire is to help you regain (or perhaps finally establish) a sense of value, hope, and faith for your future. You may feel or even believe you are the only one who has ever been through the nature of traumatic mistreatment you might have endured, or maybe are going through right now. Is it possible anyone has been touched as inappropriately as you? Has anyone else had to suffer the verbal abuse you are going through while you are being told how useless and ugly you are? Could it be that anyone has stood before their friends or children and been humiliated and demeaned to the point they felt like giving up on life like you have? It could be that the very thought of speaking to someone about what has happened to you rivets you in fear. Let me speak up for you. Let me try to give you a reason to hope, once again.
   I know all too well that twisted combination of fear, confusion, depression, and low self esteem. I’ve had those moments of being frozen in what seemed like suspended animation, doubting not only why I am here, but who I am as someone screamed words into my ears of how useless and undesirable I was. I’ve lived through times of being groped amidst the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, wondering how I lost control not only of my own body, but my very soul.
   By raising my voice of experience to the injustices done to innocent children and adults, I hope to bring to realization there are many others who are also smothered by their own silences. They, too, are gasping for a clear, fresh breath that might make them feel just a bit more alive. Let this book show you that in the midst of life’s strongest anguish and distress, God is never more than a fingertip away, ready to catch us if we fall. He is always reaching with arms wide open for us to run and be held tightly in His perfect love and understanding of what we are going through, where we are in our lives and how little more we can possibly take without being destroyed. You can make it! You will make it!
   As you join me on the journey through molestation as a child followed by years of abuse as a battered wife, we will also travel the paths I took that led to wrong relationships—relationships that were ushered in with red flags and warning signals that I should have recognized and heeded rather than dismissing, as well as brushes with death and the devastation associated with loss of life. So I’ve decided to share some of the lessons life taught me as a result of—and even after—the abuse, humiliation, and desperation to survive. Hopefully you will save yourself the pain by learning from my experiences!
   This book is not solely written for the benefit of women. There are specific matters relating to relationships in general, and paths followed in that regard, as well. Men, if you want to know some well-kept secrets of women, don’t stop now. Keep reading!